The Crust of Life

सूरज की गर्मी और बादल की नरमी एक कली को फूल बना देती है दुनिया के फासले और दिल की मोहब्बत हर रिश्ते को मुक़म्मल बना देते है मेहनत और मशक्क़त के ज़ख्म कामयाबी के मरहम से भर जाते है ज़िन्दगी का हर एक लम्हा ज़िन्दगी का एहसास दिलाता है ग़म से मायूस न हो मुस्तन ग़म ही ख़ुशी का ज़रिया बन जाता है

हर वक़्त निगाहें टिकी रहती है आसमान पर काश वोह आसमान मेरे पिंजरे में आ जाए हर वक़्त खोया रहता हूँ वोह बचपन की यादों में काश वोह खुशहाल  बचपन वापस मेरी ज़िन्दगीमें आ जाए हर वक़्त सर रखता हूँ मरहूम तेरी कबर पर काश तेरे बेजान जिस्म में वापस जान आ जाए क्यूँ नहीं? आखिर सूरज और चाँद ने भी तो मनमानी की है! उसने भी तो आसमान से अपनी दीवार और छत बनाई है! क्यूँ नहीं? बारिश की वोह बूँद ने भी तो सूरज की किरण को चूमकर बादलको गले लगाया है! क्यूँ नहीं? सूरज भी तो सारी रात रूठकर सुबह मुस्कुराता हुआ वापस आता है? क्यूँ नहीं? केहते है मांगो तो खुदा भी मिल जाता है तो फिर मरहूम की जान कौनसी बड़ी बात है? - Musten Jiruwala

किसीके सामने बड़ा, तो किसीके सामने छोटा किसीके सामने दुबला, तो किसीके सामने मोटा किसीके सामने लम्बा, तो किसीके सामने नाटा किसीके सामने अच्छा, तो किसीके सामने बुरा तरस गया हूँ में अपनी असली सूरत के लिए ढूंढ रहा हूँ वोह आइना जो दिखा दे मेरी असली सूरत मुझे जब कभी भी आईने पर डाली रौशनी और धुंधला गयी सूरत मेरी गुस्से से तोड़ दिया वोह आइना चकना चूर हो गयी सूरत मेरी तनहा महसूस कर रहा था कोस रहा था हर आईने को अचानक दिल की गहराई से जानी पेहचानी सी आवाज़ आई 'बेवक़ूफ़, गर देखनी है तुझे  असली सूरत तेरी डाल रौशनी अपने आप पर तू क्यूँ बेवजह कोस रहा है आईने को? हर किसीका भी तो आइना है तू! गर देखनी है तुझे  असली सूरत तेरी ठीक कर पहले सीरत को तेरी दिखा साफ़ सूरत सबकी सबको तब देख पायेगा तू  असली सूरत तेरी' - Musten Jiruwala

जब कल नहीं था , पछतावा भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , कोई उम्मीद भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई मायूसी भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई ख्वाइश भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई तड़प भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई फखर भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , कोई गुस्सा भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , कोई अफ़सोस भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , बहुत मोहब्बत थी जब कल नहीं था , बहुत ख़ुशी थी जब कल नहीं था , बहुत सुकून था अफ़सोस की आज " कल " है इस लिए मोहब्बत की शदीद ख्वाइश है ख़ुशी के लिए दिल तड़प रहा है सुकून की तो सिर्फ उम्मीद ही है आज " कल " में जैसे की खो गया है - मुस्तन जिरुवाला

In the beginning of the universe, I was one. There was no one to call me names There was no one to classify me as male or female There was no one to label me as Hindu or Muslim Nobody was there to make me rich or poor Nobody. None. Just me. I yearned for someone to talk to me I yearned for someone to acknowledge me I yearned for someone to notice me So, I decided to divide me. Again and again. More and more I divided me, yearning multiplied Now, I am no one. I am Yearning. - Musten Jiruwala

I am Body caught between the tug of war of Mind and Soul Mind has concerns Soul has desires I have feelings Who cares? I want to feel happy and peaceful Help me! I plead with my mind and the soul Mind thinks and says "first handle my concerns" I turn to the soul with the hope in my eyes Soul chirps "all you have to do is fulfill my desires!" I buckle under the weight of concerns and desires I become numb I let it go let it all just go I stop listening to the mind I become deaf to the soul they shout yell threaten I remain numb silent devoid of life after a while there is a deafening silence no shouting of the mind no chirping of the soul all there is is just a void. Nothingness. I start to like this state tentatively I dare to smile a little I start to feel the life again I start to feel the strength within And a realization dawns onto me Despite a million concerns of the mind Despite countless unfulfilled desires of the soul I can choose to feel happy and peaceful...

I am Body caught between the tug of war of Mind and Soul I am a slave to these two masters of finicky nature who should I listen to? The mind? or the soul? Mind is clever has memories of past and visions of future Soul is naive has no sense of time or place Mind has many tricks to save me when I am down tricks like lie, cheat, blame, accuse soul is dumb has only desires that lands me into trouble desirous of joy, love peace, passion only one thing common in them both are attention seekers I listen to one and other yells for attention I am a slave to these two masters of finicky nature Who should I listen to? Who should I ignore? Mind has concerns Soul has desires I have feelings Who cares? Who cares? - Musten Jiruwala

five feet below the ground with logs of wood all around burning happily round the clock with loved ones poking to stoke wind got a whiff of my joy determined to douse me with a ploy started to play with me like a toy with a strong intention to annoy I smiled and let it play since it didn't bother me in anyway I am the fire of faith wind of malice can't bring me death as the wind of rumor gets stronger I start burning brighter and longer wind, in its fury and anger ends up playing an encourager! I am the fire of faith wind of malice can't bring me death nor can it sway me away into revenge or wrath I am what I am I am faith - Musten Jiruwala

limping lifelessly burdened by thousands of thoughts I collapsed by the side of the river Shunned and pushed by one and all I lay there depressed, dejected sound of the river seemed to drowna in the chaos of my mind cool breeze mischievously and persistently irritated I gave up and let the breeze caress my face and the river sing to me after a prelude of flowing sounds the river started its lullaby "I am a drop from the sky fell on a leaf pleaded to hide leaf just smiled and gently pushed me aside I fell on the rock clung to it for my life with a tear in my eye pleaded to hide with a gentle smile the rock too pushed me aside I fell from rock to rock and leaf to leaf pushed and shunned yet no relief thousand other drops joined me in my grief together we struggled with some deep belief we kept moving we kept leaping we kept flowing we kept growing now, ...

Not so long ago I used to be surrounded by circumstances Desires burnt out on the back-burner while I wrestled with surviving in this society I was blurred in my own focus while I focused on lifeless surroundings One fine day, I gathered some courage and did what my heart desired I felt magical, ecstatic, alive! Next moment, the world seemed to have crashed on me I regretted quietly for my foolishness and vowed never to have any more desires Suppressed like a caged bird I went about the chores of life, again Until one fine day not so long ago sitting by the side of the river I realized what life is all about Today, I first do what my heart desires And I feel magical, ecstatic, alive Every moment. - Musten Jiruwala (dedicated to my love)

I have been looking for you But everytime I thought I found you it so turned out that it was only me Other day, I saw someone sulking and I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me When I saw that little child enjoying on the swing I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me This morning, when I confronted that arrogant person I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me! Every other person I saw who was Jealous, righteous, loving, caring, selfish, generous and what not I thought, I found you But, it so turned out every time that it was only me! I am so desperately looking for you that is not me Where are you? Are you there? Or is it just me? I think you are all screwed up. Or, is it me? - Musten Jiruwala

When I am angry I scream, shout, sulk I feel powerful My son fears me My daughter is scared of me My wife feels frightened And then, for days, I am alone at my home with my own family. - Musten

Aage, peechhey, daaye, baaye, upar neechey, harr taraf dushman zamana tha Gaur sse dekha tto mei akela aur harr taraf sirf aaina hhi aaina tha - Musten (27th May, 2008) (In front or back, on left or right, up or down, I found only foes when I looked closer, I was all alone with mirrors all over)

Birds! We are so fortunate to be birds! We can fly as high as we desire, as far as we want! Quench our thirst, at any pond, river, stream of our choice, at our time! Sit on any branch, of any tree, of our choice, and eat its fruits to our heart's content! Birds! I am so fortunate to be a bird! SO WHAT, if I am caged? This cage is so meticulously crafted, and so lovingly painted with different hues of my Master's choice, especially for me! My Master! Sure is very loving, very caring! He carefully plucks his choice of fruits and feeds them to me! To quench my thirst, he places clean water in a silver bowl, lest I catch that dreaded Bird Flu! My Master! Sure is very loving, very caring! Only one wish though, Oh My Master! To have a little bigger cage, to stretch my wings and fly a little, play a little, have a little bit taste of those free birds' life! - Musten Jiruwala As felt by the bird in me (unrevised)

Why you have to be so possesive and yearn to take away my freedom? I am a free bird, your world is my kingdom! Seeker, seeker seek something else. Love, that is not binding, will get plenty, not any less. I am generous don't need to woo me you already have me just open your eyes and see! - Musten Jiruwala

Morning mist with light breeze clinging dew on grass and leaves riot of saffron far away in the sky chirping birds just about to fly crickets at rest and the roosters at their best welcoming the rising ball of hot air in haste just then, wakes up this man... his heart filled with venom of hatred with virus of revenge, his blood infected weapons of mass destruction, in his hand churning out devilish schemes, from his brain the alarm goes off, wakes up the child far away somewhere, innocent. - Musten Jiruwala

First time, when I saw her clapping, and patting my shoulders with that hint of joy in her eyes... I made up my mind that I want to experience this moment again and again... So I practiced well and succeeded to fail again and again! She never gave up. - Musten Jiruwala