The Crust of Life

जब कल नहीं था , पछतावा भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , कोई उम्मीद भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई मायूसी भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई ख्वाइश भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई तड़प भी नहीं थी जब कल नहीं था , कोई फखर भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , कोई गुस्सा भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , कोई अफ़सोस भी नहीं था जब कल नहीं था , बहुत मोहब्बत थी जब कल नहीं था , बहुत ख़ुशी थी जब कल नहीं था , बहुत सुकून था अफ़सोस की आज " कल " है इस लिए मोहब्बत की शदीद ख्वाइश है ख़ुशी के लिए दिल तड़प रहा है सुकून की तो सिर्फ उम्मीद ही है आज " कल " में जैसे की खो गया है - मुस्तन जिरुवाला

In the beginning of the universe, I was one. There was no one to call me names There was no one to classify me as male or female There was no one to label me as Hindu or Muslim Nobody was there to make me rich or poor Nobody. None. Just me. I yearned for someone to talk to me I yearned for someone to acknowledge me I yearned for someone to notice me So, I decided to divide me. Again and again. More and more I divided me, yearning multiplied Now, I am no one. I am Yearning. - Musten Jiruwala

I am Body caught between the tug of war of Mind and Soul Mind has concerns Soul has desires I have feelings Who cares? I want to feel happy and peaceful Help me! I plead with my mind and the soul Mind thinks and says "first handle my concerns" I turn to the soul with the hope in my eyes Soul chirps "all you have to do is fulfill my desires!" I buckle under the weight of concerns and desires I become numb I let it go let it all just go I stop listening to the mind I become deaf to the soul they shout yell threaten I remain numb silent devoid of life after a while there is a deafening silence no shouting of the mind no chirping of the soul all there is is just a void. Nothingness. I start to like this state tentatively I dare to smile a little I start to feel the life again I start to feel the strength within And a realization dawns onto me Despite a million concerns of the mind Despite countless unfulfilled desires of the soul I can choose to feel happy and peaceful...

I am Body caught between the tug of war of Mind and Soul I am a slave to these two masters of finicky nature who should I listen to? The mind? or the soul? Mind is clever has memories of past and visions of future Soul is naive has no sense of time or place Mind has many tricks to save me when I am down tricks like lie, cheat, blame, accuse soul is dumb has only desires that lands me into trouble desirous of joy, love peace, passion only one thing common in them both are attention seekers I listen to one and other yells for attention I am a slave to these two masters of finicky nature Who should I listen to? Who should I ignore? Mind has concerns Soul has desires I have feelings Who cares? Who cares? - Musten Jiruwala

five feet below the ground with logs of wood all around burning happily round the clock with loved ones poking to stoke wind got a whiff of my joy determined to douse me with a ploy started to play with me like a toy with a strong intention to annoy I smiled and let it play since it didn't bother me in anyway I am the fire of faith wind of malice can't bring me death as the wind of rumor gets stronger I start burning brighter and longer wind, in its fury and anger ends up playing an encourager! I am the fire of faith wind of malice can't bring me death nor can it sway me away into revenge or wrath I am what I am I am faith - Musten Jiruwala

limping lifelessly burdened by thousands of thoughts I collapsed by the side of the river Shunned and pushed by one and all I lay there depressed, dejected sound of the river seemed to drowna in the chaos of my mind cool breeze mischievously and persistently irritated I gave up and let the breeze caress my face and the river sing to me after a prelude of flowing sounds the river started its lullaby "I am a drop from the sky fell on a leaf pleaded to hide leaf just smiled and gently pushed me aside I fell on the rock clung to it for my life with a tear in my eye pleaded to hide with a gentle smile the rock too pushed me aside I fell from rock to rock and leaf to leaf pushed and shunned yet no relief thousand other drops joined me in my grief together we struggled with some deep belief we kept moving we kept leaping we kept flowing we kept growing now, ...

Not so long ago I used to be surrounded by circumstances Desires burnt out on the back-burner while I wrestled with surviving in this society I was blurred in my own focus while I focused on lifeless surroundings One fine day, I gathered some courage and did what my heart desired I felt magical, ecstatic, alive! Next moment, the world seemed to have crashed on me I regretted quietly for my foolishness and vowed never to have any more desires Suppressed like a caged bird I went about the chores of life, again Until one fine day not so long ago sitting by the side of the river I realized what life is all about Today, I first do what my heart desires And I feel magical, ecstatic, alive Every moment. - Musten Jiruwala (dedicated to my love)

I have been looking for you But everytime I thought I found you it so turned out that it was only me Other day, I saw someone sulking and I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me When I saw that little child enjoying on the swing I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me This morning, when I confronted that arrogant person I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me! Every other person I saw who was Jealous, righteous, loving, caring, selfish, generous and what not I thought, I found you But, it so turned out every time that it was only me! I am so desperately looking for you that is not me Where are you? Are you there? Or is it just me? I think you are all screwed up. Or, is it me? - Musten Jiruwala

Love makes you walk a mile in your loved one's shoes. Seldom its a comfortable mile.

A little surprise party on a birthday or an anniversary. A small note of appreciation. A gift of new expensive watch. A surprise vacation plan. These are some of the unspoken wishes one has. Its an acid-test for my loved ones. I set this unspoken wish to be an indication of their love and care towards me. If they(loved ones) do it, I feel they care for me. If they don't (regardless of countless other things they do for my joy), I feel that they don't love me/they don't care for me. Ofcourse, I would feel hurt and let down if they don't do it. So, I rub it in. I tell them my expectation after the event has passed. And express my hurt. This way, all they can feel is guilt. Do I get pleasure out of it? No! But, why should I feel the pain alone? At least, next time they will know what is expected of them on such occasions, if they really love me, care for me. So called "wise" people say that, "You must express what you want", "You must be a demand ...

Context that you operate from gives you the perception of the person. This perception is responsible for the way you behave with that person. When you change your context, that same person will appear different to you.

Stress is caused by fear of change or desire to change. Fear of change causes resistance to change while desire to change causes resistance to the present. Both results in resistance and hence stress.

Ofcourse, God Exists!!! Afterall, God is created by man! Let me just give you some out-of-box perspective on this...these are my thoughts only. Existence of God is in the human mind. Human mind thrives on knowledge. Most part of this knowledge is aquired knowledge. Each one of us process this aquired knowledge and create new knowledge that we call our own. We all share this knowledge with others in varied quantities. Thus the knowledge spreads. Psychology is a science of human mind. Sociology is science of human relationships or science of collective minds. The prophets and the saints who established religions were sociologists who understood collective human mind. They used the knowledge given by psychology to establish order in human relationship. They used two fundamental aspects of human behaviour, fear and desire, to bring order in human relationships. The origin of God dates back to few thousand years when human beings were savage. They were organized in clans and they were warr...

Love, Joy, Peace can travel greatest of the great distances at faster than the fastest speed in shortest of the short time. The only thing it cannot penetrate is thinner than the thinnest wall of arrogance, anger, lies and suspicion. Demeaning and ridiculing others will elevate you fast and high on a bubble of false pride. Just that the bubble of false pride doesn't last too long. The person on whom you fix the responsibility for things happening in your life becomes more powerful. For happenings in my life, I fix the responsibility on myself. For you, it IS what it MEANS to you. Fact is, it doesn't mean anything. It is what it is. I feel what I choose to feel. I am learning to attach my perception with your feelings. When you look at hurdles as problems, you avoid them. When you look at hurdles as opportunities, you overcome them. if you can't appreciate something that you have, its better to lose it. if you are going to regret losing it, better appreciate it. Wh...

When I am angry I scream, shout, sulk I feel powerful My son fears me My daughter is scared of me My wife feels frightened And then, for days, I am alone at my home with my own family. - Musten

Aage, peechhey, daaye, baaye, upar neechey, harr taraf dushman zamana tha Gaur sse dekha tto mei akela aur harr taraf sirf aaina hhi aaina tha - Musten (27th May, 2008) (In front or back, on left or right, up or down, I found only foes when I looked closer, I was all alone with mirrors all over)

Birds! We are so fortunate to be birds! We can fly as high as we desire, as far as we want! Quench our thirst, at any pond, river, stream of our choice, at our time! Sit on any branch, of any tree, of our choice, and eat its fruits to our heart's content! Birds! I am so fortunate to be a bird! SO WHAT, if I am caged? This cage is so meticulously crafted, and so lovingly painted with different hues of my Master's choice, especially for me! My Master! Sure is very loving, very caring! He carefully plucks his choice of fruits and feeds them to me! To quench my thirst, he places clean water in a silver bowl, lest I catch that dreaded Bird Flu! My Master! Sure is very loving, very caring! Only one wish though, Oh My Master! To have a little bigger cage, to stretch my wings and fly a little, play a little, have a little bit taste of those free birds' life! - Musten Jiruwala As felt by the bird in me (unrevised)