The Crust of Life

In the beginning of the universe, I was one. There was no one to call me names There was no one to classify me as male or female There was no one to label me as Hindu or Muslim Nobody was there to make me rich or poor Nobody. None. Just me. I yearned for someone to talk to me I yearned for someone to acknowledge me I yearned for someone to notice me So, I decided to divide me. Again and again. More and more I divided me, yearning multiplied Now, I am no one. I am Yearning. - Musten Jiruwala

I am Body caught between the tug of war of Mind and Soul Mind has concerns Soul has desires I have feelings Who cares? I want to feel happy and peaceful Help me! I plead with my mind and the soul Mind thinks and says "first handle my concerns" I turn to the soul with the hope in my eyes Soul chirps "all you have to do is fulfill my desires!" I buckle under the weight of concerns and desires I become numb I let it go let it all just go I stop listening to the mind I become deaf to the soul they shout yell threaten I remain numb silent devoid of life after a while there is a deafening silence no shouting of the mind no chirping of the soul all there is is just a void. Nothingness. I start to like this state tentatively I dare to smile a little I start to feel the life again I start to feel the strength within And a realization dawns onto me Despite a million concerns of the mind Despite countless unfulfilled desires of the soul I can choose to feel happy and peaceful...

I am Body caught between the tug of war of Mind and Soul I am a slave to these two masters of finicky nature who should I listen to? The mind? or the soul? Mind is clever has memories of past and visions of future Soul is naive has no sense of time or place Mind has many tricks to save me when I am down tricks like lie, cheat, blame, accuse soul is dumb has only desires that lands me into trouble desirous of joy, love peace, passion only one thing common in them both are attention seekers I listen to one and other yells for attention I am a slave to these two masters of finicky nature Who should I listen to? Who should I ignore? Mind has concerns Soul has desires I have feelings Who cares? Who cares? - Musten Jiruwala

five feet below the ground with logs of wood all around burning happily round the clock with loved ones poking to stoke wind got a whiff of my joy determined to douse me with a ploy started to play with me like a toy with a strong intention to annoy I smiled and let it play since it didn't bother me in anyway I am the fire of faith wind of malice can't bring me death as the wind of rumor gets stronger I start burning brighter and longer wind, in its fury and anger ends up playing an encourager! I am the fire of faith wind of malice can't bring me death nor can it sway me away into revenge or wrath I am what I am I am faith - Musten Jiruwala

limping lifelessly burdened by thousands of thoughts I collapsed by the side of the river Shunned and pushed by one and all I lay there depressed, dejected sound of the river seemed to drowna in the chaos of my mind cool breeze mischievously and persistently irritated I gave up and let the breeze caress my face and the river sing to me after a prelude of flowing sounds the river started its lullaby "I am a drop from the sky fell on a leaf pleaded to hide leaf just smiled and gently pushed me aside I fell on the rock clung to it for my life with a tear in my eye pleaded to hide with a gentle smile the rock too pushed me aside I fell from rock to rock and leaf to leaf pushed and shunned yet no relief thousand other drops joined me in my grief together we struggled with some deep belief we kept moving we kept leaping we kept flowing we kept growing now, ...

Not so long ago I used to be surrounded by circumstances Desires burnt out on the back-burner while I wrestled with surviving in this society I was blurred in my own focus while I focused on lifeless surroundings One fine day, I gathered some courage and did what my heart desired I felt magical, ecstatic, alive! Next moment, the world seemed to have crashed on me I regretted quietly for my foolishness and vowed never to have any more desires Suppressed like a caged bird I went about the chores of life, again Until one fine day not so long ago sitting by the side of the river I realized what life is all about Today, I first do what my heart desires And I feel magical, ecstatic, alive Every moment. - Musten Jiruwala (dedicated to my love)

I have been looking for you But everytime I thought I found you it so turned out that it was only me Other day, I saw someone sulking and I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me When I saw that little child enjoying on the swing I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me This morning, when I confronted that arrogant person I thought, I found you But, it so turned out that it was only me! Every other person I saw who was Jealous, righteous, loving, caring, selfish, generous and what not I thought, I found you But, it so turned out every time that it was only me! I am so desperately looking for you that is not me Where are you? Are you there? Or is it just me? I think you are all screwed up. Or, is it me? - Musten Jiruwala

When I am angry I scream, shout, sulk I feel powerful My son fears me My daughter is scared of me My wife feels frightened And then, for days, I am alone at my home with my own family. - Musten

Birds! We are so fortunate to be birds! We can fly as high as we desire, as far as we want! Quench our thirst, at any pond, river, stream of our choice, at our time! Sit on any branch, of any tree, of our choice, and eat its fruits to our heart's content! Birds! I am so fortunate to be a bird! SO WHAT, if I am caged? This cage is so meticulously crafted, and so lovingly painted with different hues of my Master's choice, especially for me! My Master! Sure is very loving, very caring! He carefully plucks his choice of fruits and feeds them to me! To quench my thirst, he places clean water in a silver bowl, lest I catch that dreaded Bird Flu! My Master! Sure is very loving, very caring! Only one wish though, Oh My Master! To have a little bigger cage, to stretch my wings and fly a little, play a little, have a little bit taste of those free birds' life! - Musten Jiruwala As felt by the bird in me (unrevised)

Why you have to be so possesive and yearn to take away my freedom? I am a free bird, your world is my kingdom! Seeker, seeker seek something else. Love, that is not binding, will get plenty, not any less. I am generous don't need to woo me you already have me just open your eyes and see! - Musten Jiruwala

Morning mist with light breeze clinging dew on grass and leaves riot of saffron far away in the sky chirping birds just about to fly crickets at rest and the roosters at their best welcoming the rising ball of hot air in haste just then, wakes up this man... his heart filled with venom of hatred with virus of revenge, his blood infected weapons of mass destruction, in his hand churning out devilish schemes, from his brain the alarm goes off, wakes up the child far away somewhere, innocent. - Musten Jiruwala

First time, when I saw her clapping, and patting my shoulders with that hint of joy in her eyes... I made up my mind that I want to experience this moment again and again... So I practiced well and succeeded to fail again and again! She never gave up. - Musten Jiruwala

why is it that my imagination is full of tragedy! I look into your eyes and my imagination triggers off... I walk along with you on the narrow trail, hand in hand. I climb up, I extend my hand and pull you up smiling, laughing, walking, talking, we keep climbing up this goes on for a while until we reach the pinnacle of a scenic mountain top you are in my arms. I can see clouds hugging the mountain below force of the wind is such that I am unable to keep my balance here is beauty along with fear I want to be here. I want to be near. Yet, I fear to be here I look away. Yet, I want to look into your eyes. why? - Musten Jiruwala

It is early morning. Once again, sun is hesitatingly making its appearance, guilty of disturbing peacefully sleeping beasts, birds and human beings. However, to its amazement, sun found most of the human beings awake and making their way to Janpath singing joyfully, waking up the sleeping dogs and the birds. Unlike every year, today there will be no army parades or display of might in weaponary. Today, the leaders of each country (except for one) from the entire world have gathered here to witness the historical announcement. The announcement, which will be remembered for thousands of years to come. Leaders of all countries (except for one) are present in their best regional attires. Large or small, every country is represented by its apex leaders, presidents and prime-ministers. Leaders of every religious body are here too. Media personnels from every nook and corner of the world, be it Television, Radio or Print Media, every one of them are setting up their equipments on the ...

Tears swell up in my eyes, when I cut the cake on my 75th Birthday! Friends, relatives and well wishers all gathered in throngs on this fateful Wednesday Sixty years have past since I experienced reality of life, for the first time, on that day The sky was lit up with fires of the enemies everyone were running helter-skelter in an effort to protect their offsprings and ponies in a few moments, life came to a complete halt with deathly silence and fading lights There I was, in the field sitting alone looking for the signs of life fearing that they are all gone Sixty years hence, Here I am lots of things changed around me, The buildings, the roads, the computers and the telephones I am looking for the small small clues to see whether they have changed... Same way, as I looked for the signs of life on that fateful day... - Musten Jiruwala

One day, I decided to play God for me because,I saw pandemonium and chaos Then, I decided to dry up the oil from the well, because,I saw you fight like hell for a small little oil well Some sanity restored, I felt encouraged to go on, I decided to destroy the weapons, because,I wanted to bring equality between you and the strong to stop you from any brawl However, I was again proved wrong by you, my own creation! You kept the fight going for pretty long I looked closer for some clue I searched every soul, black and blue because I desperately wanted to bring peace, that was true Finally,I decided to give you back the oil, because, that was not the cause for any spoil, I decided to give you back the weapons, becauseI wanted you to realize on your own Thatyou fight because you fear And if anyone can destroy that fear, it's not me, but the creator. You, Musten, you. - Musten Jiruwala

~~~ Courage ~~~ Sun was about to disappear far away in the ocean Birds were hurrying to their nests in an orderly fashion sky was preparing itself to change its colour from orange to purple to black cool breeze was blowing across her face blowing her hair ever so softly I kept looking at her, she kept looking at the sea as if waiting for that eternal moment to reappear this was perhaps the hundredth time in last one week,that I wanted to tell her... sun disappeared, time ran out, she left... this time forever. - Musten Jiruwala

Where is love? One fine day, in the winter I stepped out, in search of love. Hoping to find it everywhere, so, I looked here, there, everywhere I looked for it in my children, in my wife and my parent, in my brothers and my sisters in my friends and my well wishers all in vain, I returned with empty hand. I expanded my search, far and wide looking for the place, where love could hide searched the depth of the oceans and pinnacle of the mountains, Searched jungles and the cities villages and the towns, searched roaring seas, and the flowing rivers while the december chill gave me shivers all efforts down the drain, I returned empty handed, once again. Then, there is this last place am afraid to look, for the fear that, all hopes I would lose I need courage and strength to look for love in this last place, deep down at the bottom of my heart.